Future In The Past

You have a 33% chance of being accused of using HGH (commonly known as the Human Growth Hormone), in the future. This possibly means that your daily life performance will be so over-the-top, accusations of HGH use will be thrown in your general direction. Your pectorals may also receive more attention as a result

You have a 53% of having an epileptic episode, in the future. Episodic abnormal electrical activity in the brain is natural and your chance of experiencing this is above 50%. To heighten your chances of epileptic episodes, stare into the image paired with this article.

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There is a 18% chance you should recieve a colonoscopy due to an animal invasion, in the future. This could be caused by anal goring, pest infestation, or clogged GI tract due to intentional animal ingestion.

You have a 15% chance of blowing a smoke ring, in the future. Blowing this visible vortex of smoke is reserved for the utmost talented smokers. Contrary to popular belief, smoke rings are not any easier to blow using Asian cigarettes. 15% chance.

You have a 29% chance of surviving being marooned for a period over four months by consuming goat’s milk, as long as goat’s milk is available, in the future.

You have a .06% chance of traveling through space in a Space Airplane, in the future. It’s been proven you are more likely to die watching an actual Space Airplane on television.

There is a 1.2% chance you will be attacked by spiders in the future, which will lead to hideous scarring and possibly create openings  in your social calendar. There is an 93% chance of getting bit by a spider without producing noticable scarring, in the future.

You have a 4% chance of pulling off an armbar, in the future. Reserved for only the most ultimate of ultimate mixed martial arts fighters, the armbar is used to cause extreme pain and fight ending submission

You have a 28% chance of becoming a smoker whose choice cigarette is an Asian Brand imported from the Asian hemisphere, in the future. While this may be improbable, you still have a significant chance (99.2%) of smoking something down the road

You have a 12% chance of being sexually propositioned by a well-known public figure, in the future. The brief appearance of Sarah Palin on the national political circuit caused temporary a spike in the percentage, but a scant two months later we are back to a stable dozen.