There is a 50% chance of being swept off your feet by a dancing bear, in the future. Bear populations will continue to swell as people continue the trend of hanging kidney pies from landscaping trees. As everyone knows, tying an ascot around the neck of a bear will get you mauled,
but tying a plaid ascot around the neck of a bear will cause it to dance. Since in the future you will love plaid ascots and will be required by law to dress up one animal per day, your chances are 50%.
You have a 60% chance of driving a vehicle fueled by sugar, in the future. Not that anyone is busy inventing this right now, but if it is invented, rental car agencies will begin buying fleets of sugar fueled cars. Since it is highly likely you will be renting a car in the future as well, you have a pretty high chance of getting to drive one. Note that owning a foam car in no way affects your future chances
of driving a sugar powered car.
You have a 28%
chance of finding yourself in this predicament. To break it down further, you have a 78% chance of being in a frying pan. You then have a 50% chance of getting out of the frying pan. If you make it out of the frying pan, you have a 50% chance of landing right in the fire. 19.5% chance. If you have any
moth DNA in you, chances jump up to 39%.
You have an 8% chance of being arrested for child abuse, in the future. The United States vs. Abernathy vs. Ostrycharz Supreme Court case (also in the future), will make it illegal for parents to prohibit children of any age to own and operate portable communication devices, including cellular telephony devices, walkie-talkies, and webcam-enabled Fisher-Price netbooks. It will be very hard to get
away with feeding your kids whatever you have on hand, and they might just call the cops on you. 8% chance.
You have a 1.6% chance of becoming the first human to get a disease formerly known to only affect the fruits of plants. Congratulations, you are the missing link, kinda. Chances for a successful therapy are unknown, but strapping biomedical devices to yourself in conspicuous places will increase your chances of scoring with drunk singles. Simply harboring the pathogen
is a simple, 1.6% chance.
Statistically speaking, you have a 5% chance of being part of
a threesome with
two monkeys, in the future. A snake will most likely be watching. Chances increase slightly if you dress one of the monkeys in a sailor hat. 5% or 6% chance.
You run a
83.5% chance of ruining your eyesight, in the future. As low-radiation LCD (liquid crystal displays, not to be confused with LSD or crystal meth) and plasma screens replace the cathode-ray tubes
of old, people will have to find other ways to ruin their eyesight. Paper airplanes will remain a popular form of eyeball destruction, meth labs will continue to explode, and law enforcement agencies will begin replacing tazers with laser and plasma beam weaponry. Especially around Olympia, Washington, people will continue to drop LSD directly on their eyeballs. Given all of these factors, chance remains high. 83.5% chance.
You have a 95% chance of creating your own custom T-shirt, in the future. T-shirts will start being made out of
recycled corn-silk, drastically lowering the cost
and making custom T-shirt ownership possible for all of mankind. Ink will also be cheaper, as people recycle the millions of awful tattoos they received in the early part of the millennium. 95% chance.